Yes, I know I haven’t posted in a while. Sure, I’ve had to grade some papers, write other papers for a psychotic advisor who thinks my work is “unimportant,” go to a wedding, take care of sick ratties, etc., etc., etc., but goodness gracious, how could I neglect my website so?!

Thing is, I really haven’t had much to say. Rather, I haven’t had things to say that seemed proper to share with the world. So I’ve kept fairly quiet. And I still really don’t have much to say, so I turn to my referrer logs for some inspiration.

I find that people come to my site in search of many random things, but many also come in search of answers to questions that I guess they don’t find anywhere else. Sadly, I suspect that they don’t find the answers on my site either. Let’s try and change that now, shall we?

Q. mealworms live in wheat or oat bran?
A. Both. I’ve heard that wheat bran makes for more nutritionally balanced mealworms, but they can easily thrive in either.

Q. does styrofoam react with furniture finishes
A. I’m not sure, but I know it reacts with any kind of aerosol spray paint!

Q. were vikings cannibals?
A. Not as far as I know.

Q. do mealworms like rolled oats
A. Yes, yes they do.

Q. pet rat tumors how long to live
A. It depends. If the tumor is benign, your rat could live for up to six months more. A lot depends on where the tumor is located. Even benign tumors will drain your rattie over time, and interfere with mobility. If you can, it really is best to have the tumor removed when it is still reasonably small. It’s a little pricey, but your rat will have a longer and happier life.

The following weren’t exactly questions, but they seemed to deserve a response.

Q.pet rat clucking/rat wheezing sneezing/gasping pet rat
A. Your rat has a respiratory infection. You should take him/her to the vet right away and get some antibiotics. In th eevent of gasping, your rat is in serious respiratory distress. Keep the little guy as calm as possible and get him to a vet ASAP!!!

Q. pituitary tumor rat health
A. Symptoms of a pituitary tumor include difficultly using their hind legs, ear infections and seizures. Sadly, as far as I know there isn’t much you can do if your rat develops one. Your rat can still live for a good number of months after a siezure. The ear infections can be treated with antibiotics and ear washes. As long as you make sure your rat doesn’t have to climb up or down to get food and water, they can get along fairly well even if their hind legs are lacking in coordination. But the tumor will only get bigger, and eventually you’ll have to put your little buddy down. Pituitary tumors can be fairly easily confirmed in an autopsy–if you lift the brain out of the top of the skull, you will find a fairly large, dark mass just underneath the brain near the stem if your rat had a pituitary tumor.

Q.grusome pictures
A. Aren’t there enough on this site already?

Q.gospel of bob
A. Okay, okay. I’ll get working on that :-P

Q.flaming email by supervisor
A. Yeah, sucks to be you. My suggestion: return the sentiment by leaving a flaming bag of poo on your advisor’s doorstep.

Q.i hate my university
A. Amen, sister.

Okay, I suppose that’s not really true. I can imagine much worse things than spending my birthday tied down to my computer trying to write at least a 20 page draft of a paper that my prof already hates with a passion. Still, who wants to have to turn down an evening out with friends to write a 20 page draft of a paper that your prof already hates with a passion?! Ugh, someone please remind me why I even thought graduate school was a good idea.

Well, the draft that kept me from birthday celebrations was pretty pathetic, but received a suprisingly painless critique from my prof. & classmates. Being the cynic that I am, instead of taking this as good news, I instead suspect my prof of holding out on me so she can pull the rug out from under me later when I have less time to save myself. Yes, I am a bit paranoid.

All in all, things are going well. I’ve been avoiding work by obsessively watching the Olympics. Probably not the best plan of action right now, but at least watching the Olympics seems less of a guilty pleasure than if I were watching cartoons or movies all day and all night. At least that’s what I tell myself. Really, I think I just don’t know what else to do with my “spare” time. As much as I’ve tried to cultivate them, I don’t really have any hobbies. I get bored so easily, or I lack the inspiration to really sustain any kind of long-term commitment to an activity (like a website). It could also be the case that I’m just lazy or a freak of nature. All are possibilies. So please excuse me while I slip away now to watch six straight hours of hockey.

I don’t know how closely people have been following the Olympics, but I’ve been watching steadfastly as a form of procrastination… and because the atheletes are really phenomenal, of course. Overall, it has been an enjoyable experience, despite NBC’s rather questionable choices of coverage and camera-work. That is, until last night. I know I’m not alone in having been a little creeped out by Dick Button’s running commentary on the young female skaters. I can’t recall any exact quotes right now, but something about hearing a 50-something man talking about how sensual a 16 year old girl looks that just rubs me the wrong way. It does nto help matters when NBC, in all their craptastic marketing brilliance, decided to make matters worse. Much, much worse.

Let me introduce you to Push Dick’s Button.

As if the entire idea of trying to make a play on Dick Button’s already unfortunate name weren’t dumb enough, check out that “cute” little graphic. In case the perverseness of it doesn’t just smack you right in the face, allow me to spell it out for you.

Remove the background

Rotate 90°

One word: Ew!

I have a friend who recently started dating someone she met on eHarmony. I had heard a bit about this dating service before–that it was some wholesome kind of matching service posing itself as an alternative to all the smutty, hook-up oriented online services. This Ward-and-June-Cleaver image was reinforced in my mind by the sappy television ads I saw aired on one of those family/religious networks this weekend. As my curiosity (and boredom) got the best of me this evening, I decided to investigate further.

I was suprised to discover that eHarmony is more than just a wholesome alternative to other skank-a-rific dating services. Instead, it is “the #1 relationship site on the web,” backed by some genuine Dr. Phil-style pseudo-science, a.k.a., the patented Compatibility Matching System. This “scientifically proven” system, created by the “renowned relationship expert” Dr. Neil Clark Warren, analyzes 29 Dimensions of Compatibility to help you and your soul mate find one another, get married, and live happily ever after. Sound too good to be true? Let Dr. Warren’s words of wisdom put your skeptical mind at ease: “Mate selection is the key to a brilliant marriage.” How can you argue with that? The man must be a genius.

So, yours truly couldn’t resist the temptation any longer. I had to get and, more importantly, view my Highly Compatible Matches free. With science on my side, how could I lose? But I must warn ye brave readers, lest the allure of Dr. Warren’s relationship wisdom tempts you to seek eHarmony bliss as well, there’s a “comprehensive, intensive, and fun” FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX QUESTION form to fill out. Yes, science comes at a high price. Part of the questionnaire’s length is from redundance. Not only do you have to say if you are an over-achiever, you have to say if you’re an under-acheiver as well. You also have to decide difficult things, like if it is important to you that you and your partner enjoy each other’s company. Whoa. I may have to think about that one…

But, faithful readers, I slogged through the questions, answering them as truthfully as possible. I had to know what science would say about my perfect mate. So about 30 minutes later I had finished the last page. “Those very rare individuals” who “share[d] extraordinary levels of compatibililty” with me were just one click away.

“eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. ”

Wow. Rejected before I even got started. Well, that’s 30+ minutes of my life that I’m never getting back. Sigh, I guess its back to spending my Valentines Days “celebrating my decision to hold out for my soul mate.” And to think, I was really counting on Dr. Warren. :-P